Disclaimer: If you are a Kahlùa and Baileys enthusiast, or an Avicii fan, you should probably know that this post has nothing further to do with either of those topics beyond the fact that that is what I am doing right now. Hey Brother is my new favorite song, and the only song that is currently downloaded onto my iPad, so I’m sure it will be my least favorite song before I’m finished writing this post.

Ohhh if the sky comes falling down for you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do. 

It has been a whopping two months since my last update! What could I possibly have been doing to keep myself off my computer and deprive you people of updates for such a terribly long time?! Here’s a list for  you. Hopefully at least one of these is a good enough reason to drop off the face of the virtual world. If not, then I will gladly supply you with the Koh Tao post office address where you can mail me a formal complaint. ETA: one month.

1. Fletch was in a motorbike accident. – Poor guy had hardly arrived on the island and purchased his own bike when he was driving down the main road from Mae Haad one day. The local guy in front of him had his right blinker on, so Fletch went to pass around the left and at the same moment the guy turns left into Fletch. Shaved about half a cm off the side of his left foot leaving two gaping holes in his big toe. That’s putting it nicely. His toe was a meatball. He walked around on it for a week after that, even came to Tanote Bay that night and was snorkeling with us, but after a week his foot was so badly infected that the clinic sent him to Koh Samui where the nearest hospital is. When I heard he was going to Samui, I thought maybe they were just going to put a cast on him because it was broken or something else simple that they just don’t have the materials for here on the island. But then they kept him the night, and then another night, and then another. After about a week of them not sending him home, I took off work and headed to Koh Samui one afternoon. I timed how long it took to reach the hospital from the moment I left the pier in Koh Tao. Three and a half hours. If something bad happens here, it’s three and a half hours to the nearest hospital. That was a sobering thought. The hospital in Koh Samui was really nice though. The rooms all had little kitchen areas and couches for guests to sleep on and their own private balconies. I spent two nights there with Fletch before the nurses got sick of me constantly trying to cuddle with him, making it difficult to access his iv, and discharged him.  
2. We missed the Full Moon Party. – We tried to plan another Full Moon Party that we could all go to since we had so much fun last November. We even had our room booked for five nights. Fletch’s doctor gave him the ok to go and just sit, but we all know that’s no fun. 
3. I spray painted my bike. Meet the Purple Monster! – And when I say I spray painted my bike I mean that Fletch did most of the work while I picked the color. I even found Monster Energy drink handle bars that matched!                                                  
   
   
4. We went to a Muy Thai fight. – A while back I asked for requests for things to blog about and one of you suggested going to a local sporting even. Well, I am finally coming through on my promise to blog your requests! There is a Muy Thai stadium here on the island, and conveniently, one of my friends from Dive Shop A works there. So a group of us got tickets and went one fine evening. It was not what I was expecting. Any form of fighting in my mind makes me think of the guys beating each other to a bloody pulp. I guess I watch too much TV because it ended up being a lot more graceful then I’d expected. They played the same snake-charmer tune for every fight, and every fight began first off with the guys performing some sort of blessing around the ring. Then they danced, subtly bouncing up and down as they played the hokey pokey and put their right foots in and took their right foots out. The first fight we saw was between two very little dudes who came off as newbies. The second fight still had very small fighters, but they spent most of their time dancing, with a few carefully practiced punches thrown in every now and again. The last fight we saw was the best, featuring a relatively large Thai guy, and a white guy who was about three times the size of the Thai guy. Poor little Thai guy didn’t stand a chance. 
5. The Tuna Squad went on a group trip to the Animal Clinic to get fixed. – Our poor little kitties all got really sick at the same time so we called the Animal Clinic to come pick them up and they got to spend about a week there. While they were there they all got snipped, then came home with bald little bellies. 
6. High season finally hit. – And it lasted for a whopping two weeks! How long did I complain about not having any work because it was slow season? There were several occasions when I would go out and drop off CVs only to be told by every dive shop that they weren’t really looking for anyone because it was slow season. I always told them that I was well aware of the season, I just wanted them to have my info on file for when high season did hit. High season finally hit and I got to experience the joy of turning down work because I already had jobs lined up days in advance. It was glorious. I got a few calls from a fancy, posh resort that I hadn’t even given my CV to, but I jumped at the opportunity to work for them, and lived the good life for two weeks, hardly having to do any of the grunt work that usually goes along with diving (hauling tanks, etc.) A few days were even five-dive days, with two dives in the morning, two dives in the afternoon, and the night dive. And just as suddenly as it had hit, high season came to an end a couple weeks later and I was left stunned that that was it. Unfortunately with the political situation here,  the usual crowd of tourists decided to vacation somewhere without travel alerts. 
7. I met Dali the three-legged cat. – This is Dali. Or maybe it’s Dolly, but I prefer to think of the painter. He has three legs. He also has a very beat up face because he’s a big tough tomcat who likes to get into fights but is missing one of his front legs to fight with. So he gets beat up a lot. Don’t tell him that. He hangs out at the restaurant at the fancy, posh resort I just told you about. 
   
8. We bade the Tuna Squad farewell. – Well not quite like that. We’re not allowed to have pets here and the kittens were past the point of being helpless and us taking pity on them, so we had to find them homes. 
   
9. I got my first ever 4-pack from Dive Shop A! – Dive Shop A is a strange, strange place; I’ve said that from the beginning. It is the only dive shop I’ve found on this island that requires you to go in and help around the shop for free if you want to get work. And by help around the shop I mean sit outside bored to tears because you’re not allowed to actually sit inside the shop, and there is very rarely anything to actually help with. I should have been working my way up the ladder because most of the staff has left, but because I always take paid work from other shops over the free labor they offer, I haven’t really climbed anywhere. On the rare occasion I do get a call, it is only ever for one or two students at a time, which is why I was so surprised when I get a call not too long ago for my first ever 4-pack! They were awesome students too. Three girls and a guy from the UK, all about my age. We hit it off and had an awesome three days. At the end we all went to the Pub Crawl together. 
10. I experienced the Koh Tao Pub Crawl. – It is a very touristy thing here: every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 7:00 PM you can meet at Choppers and pay a fee to get a t-shirt, a bucket, shots, and discounted drinks at all the bars they go to. I’ve always wanted to do it at least once but the locals here are usually too good for it. It was nice to meet a fun group of tourists who were all for such nonsense. The night started at Choppers where we got shots and buckets. Then we headed to Office Bar which is home of the rape pool. Then we went to the Ladyboy Cabaret, another thing I have been wanting to do. That was fun. A bunch of cross-dressing Thai guys all dancing and lip synching to Brittany Spears in lingerie. The ladyboys on this island are the best looking ladies on the island. The Thai girls in general are not incredibly attractive, so when you see a good looking one it is probably a guy. The night finished back at Choppers with a live band that everyone got up on the tables and sang along to. 
11. One of our roommates got meningitis. – Team Rex has not had good luck with health lately. I don’t think all of us have been healthy at the same time since we’ve all been together. Shawna got an ear infection, which after a few days turned into meningitis. They rushed her by speed boat in the middle of the night over to Koh Samui where she spent a couple weeks. Fletch and I went to visit her and get our visa extensions while we were there. I really don’t know what to say other then the whole experience was terrifying. Plus if it was me I wouldn’t want my roommate writing about it on the internet so I’ll leave it at that. 
12. Fletch and I finally dived Sail Rock. – Sail Rock is to here what the Blue Hole is to Belize, the must-see dive site. It is a couple hours away by boat so only a few shops on the island make regular trips to it. We signed up for an all locals trip through Roctopus, and departed early in the morning. They served us a breakfast of onion sandwiches and then before too long we were there. For the huge deal everyone makes about how far away it is, it really didn’t seem that far. The dive was glorious. Crystal clear water, 40-meter visibility, giant groupers, beautiful schools of batfish… Fletch and I had a stunning 70 minute dive at 30 meters. After 70 minutes, Fletch’s foot was aching pretty badly so he opted out of the second dive. We wouldn’t have been able to go on it anyway because by the time we came up, everyone was hopping in for round two with the back on boat time being an hour later. If you don’t know diving, then you need to know that after a dive to that depth for that amount of time, we needed at least an hour on the surface. So we hopped back in the water sans gear and did some free diving. If you do know diving, you’re probably freaking out that we went free diving directly after scuba diving. Know that there is absolutely no research to confirm that free diving after scuba diving can cause DCS. Also, neither of us got DCS. 
13. Team Rex took a snorkel trip to Aow Leuk. – Not too long ago I was working for Posh Resort and took a student diving to Hin Ngam, my second favorite site on the island after Chumphon. I had been there numerous times before but for some reason had never taken a good look at the rock wall surrounding the bay and noticed the massive gash in the rock, maybe a meter an a half wide at its widest point and extending back into the rock farther then I could see. I’d been dying to go back with a snorkel and see what it was for the longest time and Team Rex finally took a field trip to go explore. Eight of us turned into a little scooter gang and zoomed across the island with our snorkel gear and spent a fun day at the beach. We found the cave, which extended back far enough that it became pitch black. It reeked of gasoline fumes so we didn’t hang out for too long. What turned out to be even more fun then finding the cave was the turtle who joined us on our snorkel back to the beach. Turtle Island has surprisingly few turtles so finding one is always like Christmas. This little guy played with us for about twenty minutes too. 
    
    
    
14. All my friends left the island. – That’s a very sad and blunt way to put that. I feel like that should be a squeal to that little picture book All My Friends Are Dead. I suppose that that’s just the way it goes with the dive industry. We all dive to travel, and travel to dive. No one stays in the same place for very long. It’s sad to say goodbye to so many friends, but at the same time it’s cool to keep up with their travels and know you have friends living all over the world. In the past few months the Thai government has been really cracking down on foreigners living here illegally on tourist visas. Everyone who hasn’t gotten kicked out has fled. We will follow in December.
15. These sexy pants arrived in the mail. – Occasionally I’ll get a care package in the mail. There are no real addresses here besides the post office, so everything gets sent there, and after about a month of knowing a package was sent I’ll drive to Mae Haad to the post office, hope that it is open because they are always on lunch break or some random made up holiday, probably have to try three different times before they are actually open, go check the little cubby box labeled ‘A’ as well as the one labeled ‘L’ because they don’t know the difference between first and last names, and see if there is a pink slip of paper with my name on it. After all that I found these gems. Come on, you know you’re jealous. 
    
16. I saw a yellow box fish and an albino white eyed moray eel all on the same day! – Neither of which I’d ever seen before here. The albino eel was hiding under the car wreck at Hin Ngam. Told you it was my second favorite site. 
17. I got a new job; let’s call this one Dive Shop Cinco. – Yesterday Dive Shop A texted me to see if I could please come help around the shop today. I finally said ok only for the manager to recognize it was silly for me to be there and sent me home. How lucky too because a friend texted me asking if I was available for an Advanced course which I gladly jumped on. So now I’m on Dive Shop #5. 
18. I discovered that 7-Eleven has disturbingly good frozen meals. – There is a big fancy new 7-Eleven that I have probably mentioned a million times by now. It is the closest thing to a supermarket I have seen in ages. They have a freezer with frozen meals that I would normally never lay a finger on. I don’t even like frozen meals from an actual grocery store. But they have some new vermicelli and shrimp dish that they keep advertising all over the store and the picture was really nice and my curiosity finally got the better of me tonight. They even warmed it up there for me so I came home with a piping hot 7-Eleven meal. If you’ve been keeping up with my foodie posts at all then hopefully you’ll know how embarrassed I am to be writing this.  I wasn’t expecting a whole lot, something about equivalent to those instant noodle cups. I don’t know if I should even be admitting this but it was really good. Frozen meals are always a disappointment compared to the picture. This one was everything the picture promised.