I can’t say who or what The Tuna Squad is, because I’ve already posted pics of our house on here and our lease states that there are certain things we can’t have, so I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea that we are breaking our contract. We are most definitely following all the rules. The Tuna Squad is just an adorable figment of our imaginations. Have I confused you enough yet? Fine, I’ll tell you. We all have mercury poisoning from eating too much tuna.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it already or not, but it’s really hot here. And you really notice it when you’re out of the water for more than half a day. I taught an open water course at Dive Shop A last week, first time I’ve been back since those first few dreadful days. It was better, but I really have to say that that is one odd group of people that works there. They’ve all stopped PMSing now, but they’re still strange. Anyway, my one open water student decided to sign up for advanced, which was awesome because advanced is the best course to teach. You basically get to go on five fun dives focussed in different areas and call it a class. Search and Recovery is my favorite. Everyone at the shop was teasing me for choosing one that they don’t normally teach, because they wouldn’t know how to teach it. Little do they know that the adventure dives I’m used to teaching are different then the three they’re accustomed to, based on the dive conditions we have to work with back home. What a concept! Not everyone teaches the same way as you, Dive Shop A. So I taught Search and Recovery and pretty much every other instructor at the shop informed me that they had never taught it. That made me feel a little better after they were all so condescending in the beginning for me not knowing their ways.

So Advanced ended three days ago and I had that afternoon and the two days following off. It gets so hot being out of the water! I don’t even know what I did two days ago, just sat around in some heat-induced coma. Oh and bought a fan for the living room. Yesterday I was sitting on the couch reading and passed out from the heat, then woke up in a pool of my own sweat, remembering stories on the news of places that would go through heat waves and reports of deaths from the heat. Lovely thought I know. I’ve never been one to complain about the heat, I love it, that’s why I moved here. People would complain about the heat in Colorado during the summer and I would try to refrain from getting annoyed at their complaints because I loved it so much. So for me to say it’s hot, it’s hot. (I know what you’re thinking, silly Colorado mountain girl doesn’t know anything about heat. But it does get to be 100 degrees in the summer.) I woke up on the couch drenched in sweat and thinking about news stories of people dying from heat waves. Finally getting up the energy to move, I laid down on the cement floor and angled the fan down at me hoping that would help. When that didn’t work I tried a cold shower but even the water was uncomfortably warm on it’s coldest setting. I guess that’s why they invented a/c. Not sure why I didn’t just turn it on in the first place.

After a few glorious minutes of sitting in the a/c and giving my brain a chance to re-solidify from the melted goop it had turned into, I decided I should probably do something with my day off. My original plan was to save my money after splurging on the fan for 1600 baht, but sitting around in a puddle of my own sweat was not how exactly I envisioned that plan turning out. So I decided to go get a massage. For old time’s sake I went back to the usual place that Fletch and I once upon a time went to every day. Those ladies know how to give a good massage. I know this part of the world is known for “happy endings” massages, but those are only the dodgy, back alley places. I don’t even think they have places like that on Koh Tao. The massage places here are strictly professional. And yet about 45 minutes into my relaxing massage, my massage lady’s hands found their way under the towel covering my chest to give me a nice boobie massage. Surely she’s just rubbing the area around them and accidentally bumping into them because I have a small torso? I really wasn’t sure if I should be feeling relaxed or uncomfortable or turned on or just burst out laughing over the fact that a little old Thai lady was fondling me. It was all sorts of confusing. Even more so when an elderly German couple walked in and sat waiting, with me getting my tatas massaged under a towel in full view. Awkward… Should I get on TripAdvisor and write “The best tata massage in all of Koh Tao! No extra charge!” ??

After my hour was up, I rushed my ass out of there, before they could get their hands on that too, and continued on to the next massage parlor down the street for a pedicure. So much for saving money, but come on, how can you pass up an hour long massage for 300 baht and a pedicure for 150 baht? (US $10 and $5). I think I’ll start making a weekly occurrence of it. All the Thai ladies who worked there were busy chit-chatting in very rapid Thai, with a random “Are you miss me?” thrown in every now and again. For the second time in a day I was all sorts of confused. Maybe the heat really was melting my brain after all. The lady painting my toes dive flag red finally enlightened me in broken English that she was teaching the other girls English. Then she probably realized how silly that sounded and asked me if that was the correct thing to say. “Are you miss me?” I politely told her that the phrase was “Do you miss me?” This is why you don’t trust your high school language teachers unless they are teaching their first language.

Feeling happy and pampered, I decided to complete my day of indulgence with a sandwich on the way home. There is a really nice, brand new 7/11 just down the hill and around the corner from our house, and next to that is a sub shop that I discovered the other day. It is a little pricy, 150 baht for a sandwich, but boy do they make a good falafel sandwich. Delicious for the occasional break from Thai food or endless tuna sandwiches (I really need to learn how to cook). It comes on a roll that resembles a small baguette, has a good amount of falafel, lettuce, tomato, and all the usual spreads and schmears that you usually eat with falafel. Mmm mmm.

In other news, I found a dead, dried up scorpion in the corner of my room today. I have a hard enough time with spiders. I’ve never had to deal with scorpions before. Their existence absolutely terrifies me. I don’t even know what I would have done had the thing been alive. I’m sitting here freaking out over a dead scorpion.

In other news, my good friend Mike is visiting me and gets in on the ferry tomorrow! Having a friend in town will force me to get out of my eat, sleep, dive, repeat routine, so I will hopefully have some substantial blog material! No more going weeks without hearing from me, only for me to turn up rambling about how hot it is. I should blog more about diving… There’s a thought.

Today marks six months that Fletch and I have been together. I didn’t say anything to anyone all day, not wanting to get depressed over the fact that he’s not here to celebrate, but now the entire day has gone by and I haven’t said anything, so I guess I’ll just tell the whole world. I wish you were here to give me that pancake you promised me, Fletch! Mostly because I’d really love a pancake right now, but also because I miss you just a little.